Tuesday 13 August 2013

Blogs hey. 

"Yeh squirt, nice little run back there, held on to the ball a bit too long though huh?" 

20 seconds later i have the ball in my hands ready to release and as I go to kick squirt goes for a tackle and I fall and scream out. Clutching my leg in the foetal rolling and screaming fucks. I get rolled over to my back and my leg stretched out, stretcher comes to my aid and everyone is planning on how to put me on the stretcher. I can do it myself so I hop on. My mind takes in whats happening around and what people are saying. I hear "oh that didnt sounds good, yeh lets stop playing". I think its Squirt and then Jen Lew. I wanna see where Vic is, I kinda wanna tell her not to worry, I'll be fine. I've got my eyes shut tight though. as I get carried off I wanna say something funny but I got nothing, other than "fuckers". I hear Rosie ask me if its the already stuffed ankle. Its comforting to hear her. Im on the side line and theyre talking about Ambulances. I dont want one, but Im not really able yet to articulate that. I ask for a couple of seconds to gather myself. I sit up and everyone says woah, woah, what are you doing? I say i just need a moment, i can get into a car, thats fine. Moo comes over, Eddie holds my hand and I wonder where Vic is. 

I get carried to the car, Moo will come with and Vic finally pokes her head in telling me thats a bit extreme for some attention. 

Emergency with the plebs, fast track with the hypochondriacs. Emergency with sock and boot off and the pain. Fuck me the pain. Bawling. Moo's there. Im replying by text to everyone who's asking. I ring mum and cant stop crying. They're on their way back from Canberra, Luis's 40th. They'll come straight to RPA. Moo tells me im being very impressive. All I want is to talk to Vanessa. 

So many people text. So many offer help and well wishes. Its sweet and surprising. I see an opportunity manage to get Vic over to cuddle me in the hospital bed until 2am. I have a whole screen full of missed calls and texts from people. Over the top sympathy. Its incredible the love and support bleeding out of this. The willingness of people at this time. I have doctors, nurses, medicine, time off work, time to heal. I wanna bottle it all up for when i actually need it. When im depressed and sad and want time to myself. I try to fossilise the feeling and store it in my memory for later. Its superfluous right now. Or maybe its not. I never had a chance to feel sorry for myself this whole time. I feel pretty strong though.